On the Table

In the old house, kitties went pretty much wherever they wanted. All of my furniture was old and used and damaged so I didn’t much care. I kept them off of electronic devices and out of the stove (Captain is partial to any kind of warmth, regardless of the consequences) but otherwise, they had free range.

New house = not the same. New house has new furniture that has not already been destroyed by time and other people. New house is shiny clean and new housemate does not want kitties on top of everything.

Couches and chairs are understandable and we bought ourselves a kitty hair scraper to occasionally shave the cat fur off the furniture. The guest bedroom bed is pretty much all theirs and once in a while, mostly on sleep-in Sundays, they are allowed to crawl under the covers of the master bed. But tables and counters (and obviously electronics) are Off Limits to Kitties!

Not that that rule stops them at all. I’ve tried to explain to CF that kitties don’t give a crap what he says. The second he leaves the room, they’re gonna go ‘head and jump up on anything that looks appealing. The shiny new dining room table covered in linens and fancy glassware? They’ve been there. The tiny space on my desk behind the computer monitor? They’ve been there. The kitchen counters? Haha! They have NOT been there because our counters are very high and we are smart enough not to have any mid-height objects in the kitchen for them to climb on.

The coffee table in the living room is a problem, however. Not that there aren’t alternate routes aplenty, but Captain has decided that the best way to get from anywhere in the living room to the couch is across the coffee table. And if there happens to be a cup or plate on the table at the time, he is obligated to investigate. And if there are books or magazines? Well that seems like a lovely place to sit!

So he jumps up, we yell at him to get down, he completely ignores us and decides to move when he’s damn well good and ready to do so.

Bill, on the other hand, being skittish and afraid of loud noises, isn’t quite as bold. He’ll put a paw up on the table to test the situation, get a stern look from Mommy and walk away before the yelling starts. It’s been this way for months and months.

UNTIL NOW. Now, Billy has decided to test the double standard of the No Kitties on the Coffee Table rule. We’ve caught him quite a few times sitting majestically, as if on top of the world, scanning the horizon. He no longer leaps down and runs away at the sight of us. Instead he watches us, his tail twitching slightly, waiting for the consequences of his actions.

And the consequences are usually one of us fumbling for a phone or a camera to take a picture. Disciplinarians, we are not. But the act of fumbling is enough to send him scampering away.

Of all the things the cats are going to climb on, though, does the coffee table really matter? It takes much less effort to dust the table than it does to, say… mop up cat puke and scrub the carpet clean. I imagine the No Kitty on the Table rule will soon fall to the wayside proving once again that if Captain can get away with it, so can Billy.

No Kitties on the Coffee Table Rule is In Effect